❥|Love Forever Or Not At All|❥

I despise the phrase 'moving on' because in my case, it is simply not a viable option. That phrase does not feature in my vocabulary. I despise this phrase with a passion and it just so happens that it is advised quite a lot. 

It is rare that I love anybody. I was never that way inclined. Romance was never on my list of interests. However, there is the rare occasion where I do love somebody and that means... till the end of the time. I am not joking with you. You mustn't think I am joking. This is the gods honest truth. 

People say I have a way with words but this is something that is far beyond anything I am capable of describing. I don't think I'm quite alone in this and maybe one of you reading this feels just as I do. 

If you ask me, I can tell you all of the people I love romantically without a pause for breath that stretches back years. All of these people have, (how shall I say this without vomiting?), ... partners shall we say. 

Unrequited Love is the true bane of my existence and I do not see what purpose could be served by it. I see of no lessons to be learned nor do I see of any silver lining upon any cloud. This is not temporary and it never will be. As I am writing this, my face is sad as is my heart. 

Recently, an old love rekindled their spark and I now feel just as I did when I first saw them. This is never a good thing for me and all it brings is envy and pain. This particular person has a slight hitch because we, as far as I am aware, aren't on good terms. I did something incredibly stupid way back and I feel they still judge me for it. When I look at this person, I feel shame and regret. He also has a girlfriend. 

It comes as no surprise to me anymore that whoever I become besotted with has a girlfriend. It's a devastating but incredibly common occurrence. I've tried to be a good person all my life but I feel that it was all for nothing because of the hell I find myself in. I won't stop trying to be a good person but it does make me question why if I'm nice to people and try to be kind, I suffer so badly. 

I am so fascinated with the whole concept of unrequited love that I read books about it and I watch films about it. It is a torturous experience but at the same time, it makes me feel less alone in my way of thinking and feeling. Strangely, I become quite angry when in some of these films, the person just lets the one they love go to somebody else or they move on. I am gleeful when the person loves forever as I feel that is true. 

I am forever told what people think is true love and how my reluctance or incapability to do so means I don't know what love is at all. This is dastardly untrue. 

I question what it is these girls who are currently snuggled up with the men I love have that I don't. I question why I'm here at all. My love is all encompassing and life consuming. Even if I was doing something 24/7, that doesn't stop that part of my brain from thinking of this. I dream about it as much as I live it. 

I just want one night with one of my loves and to be loved by them, not by anyone else, just them. Nobody else compares. As I say, a Matthew is not a Mark. Two people are never the same. 

I am eternally sad and I float my way through life. Day by day, I walk and I just cannot truly see anything. Life is a blur, it is a dream in a very very bad way. People want to set me up with people who I have no interest in because they assume my love is temporary. To underestimate the intensity and time of my love will be the biggest mistake you ever make. When my love is called in to question, the hurt comes out and she bites. 

Lana Del Rey is the only singer who I've ever felt represents just how I feel and I am so grateful for her songs. Born To Die is my self confessed song that expresses the depth of my way of love.

Each poem I write has just a little essence of unrequited love. Each poetry book I compile has a theme of unrequited love. My most recent book has the outline of a woman's face on the cover. Her red lips and bambi eyelashes looking down forlornly. This is how I look myself. 

No matter how much I write about this subect, it is never enough to rid me of it even if I wanted to be rid of it nor does it free my chest of its heavy chains. The chains just keep on tightening.❥❥❥